FORT WAYNE – In yet another bold move, the Indiana Democrats have announced that former Gov. Henry Schricker will be pulled out of deep retirement to replace John Gregg as their 2016 candidate for governor. Polling was clearly showing that Gregg’s previous campaign stressing his moustache had been working better than his current ads.  “Many of us thought John had lost his creative edge and just turned into a complainer,” said one disgruntled Democrat. “We needed somebody wearing a white hat.”   
Some snarky Republicans pointed out the fact that Schricker is dead and couldn’t even vote for himself. Democrats quickly countered that they consider Starke County, Schricker’s current residence, part of the Region where such things don’t matter. They also noted that Hoosier voters seem to be more focused on name identification than any other variable this year.
The Schricker strategy to bail out the gubernatorial race was a by-product of the amazing initial excitement generated among Democrats of Evan Bayh’s return from the politically dead to force Baron Hill out of the Senate race. Hill, whose sole strategy to win seemed to have been banking on Marlin Stutzman being the Republican Senate nominee, learned of his disposal yesterday.
Hill was walking across the state, somewhat oblivious to the news, when a bicyclist caught up with him shaking hands at a Yellowwood State Forest camping site to deliver the bad news. Baron expressed deep disappointment that he would have to give up his state walking tour in which he had hoped to meet hundreds, perhaps a thousand, voters.
Bayh emerged from his residence, noted as the only home in America designed to look like a Federal Reserve bank and one of the few equipped with at least four vaults for storing money, to announce that to keep the memory of Baron Hill alive, he, Bayh, would also be touring the state.
Bayh, who sits on the largest cash reserve of any retired legislator in history, will be touring the state in an armored Brink’s vehicle shaped like an RV. He intends to offer every Hoosier a free Susan B. Anthony dollar coin. Bayh generously said that he was offering Hill the chance to pass out the dollars, so long as he didn’t say anything substantive.
“It just seems appropriate to emphasize Susan with Hillary on the verge of making history as the first girl to be president,” Bayh noted. If all 6.6 million Hoosiers claim their free Anthony dollar, Bayh would still have some 4 million dollars with which to begin his campaign. This, of course, assumes that he will actually spend his money rather than continue saving it for something else that could come up. Sharing it, of course, is not an option.
Bayh’s Republican opponent, Todd Young, pointed out the irony of Bayh’s proposed strategy.  “When Evan’s dad was senator along with Vance Hartke, Republicans referred to them ‘Bayh and Bought,’ Young said.  “He’s just fulfilling his dad’s legacy.”
The thought of facing both Bayh and Schricker has Hoosier Republicans nervous. With incumbent Gov. Mike Pence auditioning for a role on the Trump Titanic, hoping that the iceberg named Hillary melts down enough that the ship can make it to port, the scramble for an alternative is on. I support Oliver P. Morton but then again, I was for Rubio for president. Betting odds are on Bobby Knight or Mike Tyson.  
Seriously, the most likely replacement for Pence would be … never mind, there is no seriously this election year.

Souder is a former Republican congressman from Indiana.