KOKOMO –  Last week I bumped into one of my Ball State University classmates, Charles L. DePew, while I was having a Mt. Olympus, ultra-liberal, hops-infused IPA down at the local Brew and Books on Main Street. Charles, who we all called “Stinky” in the frat house, was quick to expound on why he can’t wait for Thanksgiving this year because he has a long list of people and organizations to thank for President Trump’s reelection.  

When I questioned Stinky if he was referring to people like Sen. Lyndsey Graham and the NRA, he replied that those people were helpful but the gift of reelection was given by a group of people who you never would have expected, out-of-control Democrats and their sympathizers from coast to coast.

I tend to live in a world of common sense and reason so I was taken aback by Stinky’s assertion that the Democrats would contribute the most to undoing of Joe Biden’s slipshod, cobbled-together lovefest campaign in a basement. I asked Stinky to expand on his theory.

Mr. DePew said he was simply giving credit where credit is due. “What better way is there to scare the bejeebers out of the average American voter than to give the Democrats a fair audition. We have and what a whopper of a failure. Let’s start west and work our way east.”

“In California, you have a completely Democrat state bankrupted by a flood of illegal immigration and a laundry list of government-supplied freebies given to the non-productive class. Things are so bad that the state is going to greatly increase the highest state income tax in the United States and, in addition, add a wealth tax on your savings. If that isn’t bad enough, they even propose taxing you after you leave the state because you built your wealth in their state. Now you might expect that with all of the government giveaways that everyone would be rolling in clover, but the truth is, you can walk all the way from Los Angeles to San Francisco without touching the ground because of all of the street people lying around. If it wasn’t for the accumulated dog doodoo and trash, the landscape would never change. Of course, you’d have to walk during the day because the Democrat governor has so screwed up the utility industry that just about one third of the state has its lights shut off at any time.”

“Wow”, I said,”that seems to be a heap of cherry-picked anecdotal evidence. Do you have any more examples?”

Stinky thought for a moment and then said, “Let’s move one state north and look at the disaster in Portland, Oregon. In Portland, where every inch of government is controlled by the Democrats, there is nothing but anarchy. People are dragged out of their vehicles and killed, government buildings are torched and the police are attacked. All the while, the Democrats in charge do nothing. And we get to see it all on television all day long.

“Then there is always the Democratic People’s Republic of Washington. There, Antifa and Black Lives Matter took over the entire downtown and declared a separate country. Once again, police were attacked, innocent civilians were attacked, the downtown business district was trashed and nice and decent neighborhoods were put on notice that the rabble was coming for their homes next.”

I told my old frat buddy that those things would certainly bother people out on the west coast but would it play in the Midwest?

Stinky thought for a moment and then pointed out the state of Minnesota. “In Minneapolis, you took a bad situation with George Floyd’s death and then the mob blew it into a full-fledged excuse to steal televisions and furniture and to burn down an already struggling neighborhood. A genius Democrat councilman got the bright idea to defund the police and turn everything over to social workers. The rest of the Democrat sheeple on the council went along with the nut job and even the mayor signed on to castrating the only group standing between innocent people and the rabid mob. The average American began to think about a world where someone breaks into your home and you dial 911 only to be told that someone will get back with you next week.”

I asked Stinky if he thought that the great Democrat leadership in Illinois might serve as a bastion against a silent majority upheaval.

“Are you talking about Illinois, where the Democrat speaker of the House is on a sinking ship of governmental corruption or the billionaire Democrat governor who wants to change the state constitution to allow for a soak-the-rich graduated income tax?  Or maybe you’re referring to Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot who is redefining the word “hypocrisy.” She hates the police until demonstrators wander into her neighborhood and then she thinks she is entitled to protection. All the while Michigan Avenue burns while “peaceful” protesters riot against police brutality by looting Ralph Lauren, Ferrigamo and Nike. Heck, thanks to the Democrats, the Illinois state slogan is, “Will the last one in Illinois please turn the lights off.”

But Charles, I asked, what about the book that Andrew Cuomo just wrote on how well he handled the pandemic?  

“Andrew Cuomo wouldn’t know the truth if it crawled up his pant leg and bit him where the sun don’t shine. He’s the guy who sent active Covid-19 cases into nursing homes. He’s as close to a walking talking version of Typhoid Mary that you can get. It turns out that all the while that he was beating on President Trump for more ventilators, the ugly fact leaked out that he had ordered about 16,000 surplus ventilators destroyed because they were surplus. Frankly, the Democrat Cuomo should be darn thankful for Democrat Bill DeBlasio, because the mayor of New York City makes just about everyone look sane. How do you think people financially struggling because of the mayor’s abusive lockdown orders look at his wife’s $2 million domestic staff of 14?  With $150 million cut out of the New York City police budget, his wife is getting served up vichyssoise by her own personal chef. DeBlasio’s “Let them eat cake” attitude is driving people away in droves.”

Stinky summed up his hypothesis by saying, “Folks may hate Trump, may dislike what he says and what he tweets, but when it gets down to the privacy of the polling booth, they will vote for their own security, health and economic well-being. You don’t like the Republicans until the crazies start down your street. When that happens, you ain’t calling a Democrat politician to come and save you.”

With that, Stinky and I clinked beer glasses and had another for the road. Maybe, just maybe, a guy who doesn’t watch CNN, MSNBC or read the New York Times or the Washington Post could figure out something that the talking heads haven’t. Well, they say that all politics is local and the local stinks in virtually all of the Democrat-led localities.

Fact check: There is no Charles L. DePew from the Ball State University class of 1975. His nickname was not “Stinky.” The author was not drinking an IPA. He dislikes IPA. However, all the stuff about Democrat-controlled governments is true. 

Dunn is the former Howard County Republican chair.