Jack Colwell's 2016 "Turkey Award" winners include Donald Trump, James Comey, Chris Christie, Hillary Clinton, Evan Bayh, Peter Buttigieg, Colwell himself, Megyn Kelly and Roger Ailes.
Jack Colwell's 2016 "Turkey Award" winners include Donald Trump, James Comey, Chris Christie, Hillary Clinton, Evan Bayh, Peter Buttigieg, Colwell himself, Megyn Kelly and Roger Ailes.
SOUTH BEND - With Thanksgiving here, it’s time to present the annual Turkey of the Year Awards. Recipients may cry fowl. But even if they haven’t been turkeys all year, each winner has done something to merit this prestigious recognition. The awards for 2016:
    
For campaign strategy, the Turkey of the Year Award goes to Hillary Clinton for a rejected plea of “love trumps hate.” Voters instead were deciding that Twitter trumps email as they heard of messages the candidates sent.
  
A turkey for inadequate preparation for a sudden surge in website traffic goes to Canada. It’s website for immigration crashed election night.
    
In the last laugh category, Hoosier Democrats who laughed that Mike Pence was ending his political career by joining the Trump ticket get the award.
    
For belated enthusiasm, a turkey goes to those among anti-Trump marchers who didn’t show such enthusiasm in leading a march to the polls, when enthusiasm really counted.
    
Bernie Sanders, pushing a progressive revolution, gets a turkey award for pushing Clinton too far left, with talk of free college and all, helping to keep her from capturing the middle ground in Middle America, where Trump won to turn the nation away from what Sanders wanted.
    
A Turkey of the Year Award is presented to Chris Christie for failing to bridge the gap with Trump’s son-in-law and losing all influence over transition.
    
In geography, the award goes to Evan Bayh, a former Hoosier resident, who portrayed his home as actually back in Indiana.
    
Notre Dame football coach Brian Kelly doesn’t get a turkey. He already had one for far too long, four games into the season as defensive coordinator
.
    
Chicago sportswriters get a Goat of the Year Award for countless references to the Cubs trying to beat a goat curse, something sportswriters created and perpetuated for decades. The current players, oblivious to the whole nonsense, won the World Series, not some Goat Curse Series.
    
The award in chemistry goes to Russian Olympic athletes.
    
In fiction, the winner is American Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte for his drama about robbery in Rio.
    
The award for non-fiction goes to Megyn Kelly for disillusioning fans of Roger “Fair and Balanced” Ailes.
    
Critics of South Bend Mayor Pete Buttigieg get a turkey for suggesting his administration wouldn’t complete “smart streets” work in time for smooth traffic flow for the first Notre Dame football game. What? Really? Not yet? Well, in that case, let’s do a swing around the roundabout and give the turkey instead to Smart Street Pete.
    
Mishawaka Mayor Dave Wood gets a Goose of the Year Award.
    
The Turkey of the Year Award in banking goes to Wells Fargo.
    
In law enforcement, the unanimous choice is FBI Director James Comey, denounced by both sides in the presidential race for “rigging” that email investigation and becoming the most politically involved director since J. Edgar Hoover.
    
The award for phone fireworks is presented to Samsung.
    
For care in the air, JetBlue gets a turkey for making sure 5-year-old Andy Martinez was flown safely to a major airport. Except it was the wrong airport. His mother was shocked when it was another little boy who came off the plane. Andy was flown to Boston instead of New York, while the other kid, who was supposed to go to Boston, landed in New York.
    
The award for seeking to free load on a cushy job at high pay goes to applicants for Environmental Protection Agency administrator. Big salary. Big office. But no staff, budget or regulations to worry about.
    
The Gobbler for Being a Squabbler goes of course to Donald Trump. Squabbling didn’t shake his supporters, just as shooting someone in the middle of 5th Avenue wouldn’t have.
    
For misplaced political faith, a Turkey of the Year Award goes to Jack Colwell, who wrote confidently of Republicans: “They’re not dumb enough to nominate Donald Trump for president.”

Colwell has covered Indiana politics over five decades for the South Bend Tribune.