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Jack Colwell: The 2016 Annual Thanksgiving Turkey Awards
By JACK COLWELL
Thursday, November 24, 2016 8:56 AM
Jack Colwell's 2016 "Turkey Award" winners include Donald Trump, James Comey, Chris Christie, Hillary Clinton, Evan Bayh, Peter Buttigieg, Colwell himself, Megyn Kelly and Roger Ailes.
SOUTH BEND - With Thanksgiving here, it’s time to present the annual Turkey of the Year Awards. Recipients may cry fowl. But even if they haven’t been turkeys all year, each winner has done something to merit this prestigious recognition. The awards for 2016:
For campaign strategy, the Turkey of the Year Award goes to
for a rejected plea of “love trumps hate.” Voters instead were deciding that Twitter trumps email as they heard of messages the candidates sent.
A turkey for inadequate preparation for a sudden surge in website traffic goes to
. It’s website for immigration crashed election night.
In the last laugh category,
who laughed that Mike Pence was ending his political career by joining the Trump ticket get the award.
For belated enthusiasm, a turkey goes to those among
who didn’t show such enthusiasm in leading a march to the polls, when enthusiasm really counted.
, pushing a progressive revolution, gets a turkey award for pushing Clinton too far left, with talk of free college and all, helping to keep her from capturing the middle ground in Middle America, where Trump won to turn the nation away from what Sanders wanted.
A Turkey of the Year Award is presented to
for failing to bridge the gap with Trump’s son-in-law and losing all influence over transition.
In geography, the award goes to
, a former Hoosier resident, who portrayed his home as actually back in Indiana.
Notre Dame football coach
doesn’t get a turkey. He already had one for far too long, four games into the season as defensive coordinator
get a Goat of the Year Award for countless references to the Cubs trying to beat a goat curse, something sportswriters created and perpetuated for decades. The current players, oblivious to the whole nonsense, won the World Series, not some Goat Curse Series.
The award in chemistry goes to
Russian Olympic athletes
In fiction, the winner is American Olympic swimmer
for his drama about robbery in Rio.
The award for non-fiction goes to
for disillusioning fans of
Roger “Fair and Balanced” Ailes
Critics of South Bend Mayor
get a turkey for suggesting his administration wouldn’t complete “smart streets” work in time for smooth traffic flow for the first Notre Dame football game. What? Really? Not yet? Well, in that case, let’s do a swing around the roundabout and give the turkey instead to Smart Street Pete.
gets a Goose of the Year Award.
The Turkey of the Year Award in banking goes to
In law enforcement, the unanimous choice is FBI Director
, denounced by both sides in the presidential race for “rigging” that email investigation and becoming the most politically involved director since J. Edgar Hoover.
The award for phone fireworks is presented to
For care in the air,
gets a turkey for making sure 5-year-old Andy Martinez was flown safely to a major airport. Except it was the wrong airport. His mother was shocked when it was another little boy who came off the plane. Andy was flown to Boston instead of New York, while the other kid, who was supposed to go to Boston, landed in New York.
The award for seeking to free load on a cushy job at high pay goes to
applicants for Environmental Protection Agency administrator
. Big salary. Big office. But no staff, budget or regulations to worry about.
The Gobbler for Being a Squabbler goes of course to
. Squabbling didn’t shake his supporters, just as shooting someone in the middle of 5th Avenue wouldn’t have.
For misplaced political faith, a Turkey of the Year Award goes to
, who wrote confidently of Republicans: “They’re not dumb enough to nominate Donald Trump for president.”
Colwell has covered Indiana politics over five decades for the South Bend Tribune.
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Sec. Lawson hails new Indiana business filing law
“The Indiana General Assembly has passed, and Gov. Eric Holcomb has signed into law, the most far-reaching revision of Indiana business laws in more than two decades. The new law will simplify business formation and bring consistency to the rules that govern businesses and business transactions. This legislation is another example of our state making every effort to cut government red tape for businesses and promote economic development.”
- Indiana Secretary of State
, hailing the passage of SEA 443, which revamps business filings. The Secretary of State’s Office, through its Business Services Division, is responsible for filing and maintaining all business registration records for the state. It is also the home of INBiz, a one-stop, online portal for businesses that streamlines compliance with registration and other government requirements.
President Trump a polling bottom feeder
is flagging in the polls, with the latest NBC/WSJ Poll putting his job approval at 40% with 56% disapproving. NBC notes that Trump is “still holding on to Republicans and his most committed supporters. In the poll, 82% of Republican respondents, 90% of self-described Trump voters, and 56% of white working-class Americans” but he stands at only 30% with independents and 34% of college educated whites. And here’s how Trump stacks up with modern presidents at this stage of their presidencies: Eisenhower: 73% (April 1953); Kennedy: 78% (April 1961); Nixon: 61% (April 1969); Carter: 63% (April 1977); Reagan: 67% (April 1981); Bush 41: 58% (April 1989); Clinton: 52% (April 1993); Bush 43: 57% (April 2001); Obama: 61% (April 2009); Trump: 40% (April 2017). Why the low standing? Just 27% give him high marks for being knowledgeable and experienced and only 21% give him high marks for having the right temperament. And then there’s that problem with the truth: Just 25% give him high marks for being honest and trustworthy, down from 34%. On top of all this, he faces a yuuuuge week with the debt ceiling showdown, a new tax plan his Treasury Department doesn’t seem to know about, a second stab at TrumpCare, and that arbitrary "first 100-days" measuring post.
- Brian A. Howey, Publisher
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